LA Rams: A Beginner’s Guide

Football is finally returning to Los Angeles, and it’s about damn time. The NFL announced last week that the St. Louis Rams will be leaving the “gateway to the west” for the – let’s be honest – more appealing Los Angeles, CA. NFL owners voted 30-2 in favor of the transfer proposal to Los Angeles on Tuesday, January 12th, which granted Rams owner, Stan Kroenke the right to chase his dreams of being an actor and relocate his St. Louis franchise to Los Angeles for the 2016 NFL season. Finally, Los Angeles sports fans have something better to do than watch a grumpy man slowly die on a basketball court.

Kroenke and other owners plan to create a massive 300-acre site for the Ram’s new home stadium complex. Set to be the league’s biggest stadium by square feet, the price tag for the state-of-the-art, glass-roofed stadium is estimated at three billion. Unfortunately, fans will still have to wait until 2019 for the Los Angeles Ram’s inaugural season in Inglewood, CA. For the time being, the LA Rams will have to make due with the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, home to the USC Trojans and the 1984 Olympic games.

So who exactly are these new LA Rams?

Los Angeles is inheriting back their former NFL team the St. Louis Rams who originally played in Los Angeles between 1946-1994. Winners of 3 NFL championships, the LA Rams have yet to make their mark on the Super Bowl history. After the Rams relocation to St. Louis in 1995, however, the move was shortly followed by Kurt Warner, Marshall Faulk and “the greatest show on turf,” who won Super Bowl 34 in 1999 over the Tennessee Titans.

The Rams held a relatively successful fan base in St. Louis, having won a Super bowl and taxpayers still owe over $100 million to pay for Edward Jones Dome. Needless to say, St Louis Fans are pissed:

After missing the playoffs in each of the past 11 seasons and failing to accomplish an above .500 record since 2003, it makes sense that the Rams and Stan Kroenke decided to make the United State’s second largest sports market its new home. This move alone is expected to double the team’s value.

So as we usher in the new era of LA football, we’re going to help Hollywood understand its new team in terms it might know.

Todd Gurley: “The Rams Awaken”

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Decades after legendary running back Eric Dickerson pranced through LA in his rec specs, Gurley is here to revive this franchise with a similar storyline.

dickersonX-Wing Pilot, Eric Dickerson

Like Dickerson, Gurley won Rookie of the Year and earned a pro-bowl appearance in his first year.  Despite only playing 13 games, Gurley rushed for 1,106 yards and 10 touchdowns. In his second season, Eric Dickerson rushed for 2000 yards, but can we expect the same from Gurley? 

“Fast and Furious” Robert Quinn: 


There’s a scene in Furious 7 where Vin Diesel’s Dominic Toretto stomps so hard on the ground of a parking lot that the whole edifice collapses. That’s basically Robert Quinn’s style of play. Fronting the helm for a strong Rams defense, this defensive end is known for his speed and explosiveness. He has made the past two Pro Bowls in a Rams uniform and recorded over 20 sacks in his 2013 season.

Kenny Britt, Tavon Austin and Jared Cook: Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel, Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip

Like the Alvin and the Chipmunks movies, there is no one member of this receiving core that can justify this group’s existence. They are statistically the worst receiving unit in the NFL, having caught only 69 first downs this season, 15 receptions less than the next worst team. It’s clear the Rams need a seriously upgraded pass game.

Nick “The Great Gatsby” Foles:


Like Baz Lurhman’s 2013 film, The Great Gatsby, the Rams took something good and ruined it. The Rams traded QB Sam Bradford for Foles, hoping he’d translate well into their system, but my god, were they wrong. Foles was certainly an above average quarterback in Philadelphia, where he had a historic 2013 season. In the 11 games he played this past season the Rams, however, Foles converted only 56.4% of his completions, threw for 2,052 total passing yards and recorded just 7 touchdowns.

The St. Louis Rams finished the 2015 season with a 7-9 record and missed the playoffs once again, but there’s still reason to expect future success. Either way, football will be returning to Los Angeles in the form of Stan Kroenke and the Los Angeles Rams and that’s a cause for excitement. The question now is: who will join them? The Chargers and Raiders futures are uncertain, but as far as the rest of the NFL is concerned, Los Angeles is back.

Images Via KTLA and St. Louis Post-Dispatch