While many dread the arrival of Mondays with unapologetic intensity, those of us whom remain tried and true members of “Bachelor Nation” know otherwise. Monday nights mean it’s time to find love. Not just your regular, run of the mill love though, we’re talking L-O-V-E love, with a big ole’ capital L.
This episode begins with supposed human, Olivia, losing her mind and opening her gargantuan mouth as the girls are told they will be heading to Vegas.
Jojo (the one who looks like Isla Fisher) finds out she gets a one-on-one date. Okay, so, to update you, Jojo has gotten a fair amount of air time, but to really seal the deal on being a front-runner in this competition she needs a date. And she gets one. Flash forward to her and Ben crouching behind a table as a helicopter lands feet from them to sweep Jojo off her feet in what was surely supposed to be a lavish romantic gesture, but was, instead, awkward, and a disaster for the show’s hair stylists. At least she stole a smooch in the middle of the chaos.
Meanwhile, back at the hotel, the twins simultaneously walk on a treadmill.
Jojo then has a relatively boring one-on-one, but Ben seems to enjoy her company, and she definitely doesn’t make a bad impression. They talk about past relationships, opening up, and Ben plays with the upwards of $10,000 Cartier love bracelet on her left hand. He says he “can’t think of one thing he didn’t like from Jojo.” Cool, Ben. *Yawn*
Next, we move on to the group date. Olivia claims Ben is cheating on her every time he makes eye contact with another girl, so we’re in for a doozy. Sure enough, the girls get taken to the set of a Vegas variety show, and are told they will be performing their “talents” in front of thousands of people. Jubilee plays the cello (proving once again that she’s a better person than all of us), and the twins decide to perform an Irish dance routine that they are weirdly good at…
Later, Olivia jumps out of a cake practically naked and “shimmies” for a solid 5 minutes. Yep, you read that correctly. Even she realizes how ridiculous that sounds, and ends up in hysterics, crying to Ben about how awkward she was. Ben does NOT want to deal with her antics, and tells her to please not apologize for her actions again, and that he likes when she’s silly. Obviously, he doesn’t, and leaves with a roll of his eyes. Maybe the Olivia train is finally leaving the station.
The rest of the cocktail party goes swimmingly, Bens calls Caila a “sex panther,” one of the twins does the unthinkable and steals Ben from Olivia, and Lauren B. gets the rose, further pushing her towards that final proposal.
Back at the hotel, Becca finds out she gets the second one-on-one date. She gets sent a tacky, giant wedding dress to wear, aaaand cue the virgin comments. She meets Ben at a Los Vegas chapel and finds out that Ben has gotten ordained, and they are going to officially marry couples. The date goes on and is amazingly boring apart from watching the newly married pairs engage in truly uncomfortable first kisses.
Becca is sweet and southern, but doesn’t bring much to the table in terms of chemistry with Ben, and it seems like he knows it too. She and Ben exchange pretend wedding vows in which she promises to always, “smile when it’s appropriate.” Okay? Although charming and beautiful, Becca doesn’t seem to have what Ben needs, but more surprising things have happened (the twins’ strange ability to perfectly perform an Irish jig from memory in front of an audience), so only time will tell.
And then… The moment we’ve all been waiting for. Chris Harrison tells the twins that Ben wants to go on a date with both of them and see their hometown. So.. a two-on-one. It’s been a long time coming, we all knew that Ben couldn’t keep two identical, related girls on his quest for love—one of them has to go. We see Haley and Emily’s house and their Kris Jenner-ish mom who looks like she’s trying to make twins into triplets. Ben talks to her and learns more about the twin’s personalities than we’ve learned in 3 full episodes of the show. When Haley shows him her bedroom, she realizes that she still has pictures of her ex-boyfriend plastered on basically every surface possible. Awkward. She frantically runs around removing them while Ben stands there awkwardly, really wishing this nightmare would end.
Ben sits the girls down, and lets them know that he’s decided to only continue dating Emily. Wooo! Yayyy! Wait — which one is that again? Does Ben know which one Emily is, because we certainly don’t. Waterworks follow from both twins, making it even more confusing which one he has chosen. Ben goes on to make out with Emily in the limo, as her twin cries in her mother’s arms. God, this show is great.
The rose ceremony brings lots of drunk conversation and Olivia once again straight up fabricating secret signals from Ben which are most definitely figments of her imagination. She then tells him she’s falling in love with him. Slow, awkward clap. Ben gives roses to all our usual favorites–Caila, Lauren B., Amanda, Jubilee, Jojo, Lauren H. He saves Olivia until the very end, making us all sweat it out, and get ready to ding and dong, because the witch might finally be dead! But… she gets the final rose and lives to see another day. Instead, Ben decides to send unemployed hover board girl home.
She admits she is the only contestant left who never kissed Ben. Sucks to suck, Rachel. Get a job.
Next week is sure to bring the drama, the tears, and it looks like Jubilee may just join Olivia in the nut house. Stay tuned…
Images Via, ABC